Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
