new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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