Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
