I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
