First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
