she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
