Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
