If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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