those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Boobs are out for the taking
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.