I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
be there in ten.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He better not be in your backpack
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.