Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
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or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT