I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
