i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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