really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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