yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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