somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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