the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
