It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
