just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
