We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
