My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Do vagina's smell?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
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I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
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I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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