I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
being pregnant is like rehab
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
