I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
