Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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