Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
