I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
last night I used snow as a chaser
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
