every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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