I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm just crazy horny about you
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize