Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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