Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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