I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
