i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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