ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
