He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Panties = found
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
