just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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