Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
