yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
