mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
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Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
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the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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