Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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