I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
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Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
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Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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