I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
