The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
