Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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