Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
That was before I lit my hair on fire
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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