i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
i think im in europe. pls send help
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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