Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
