Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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