So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
whose ass print is on the piano?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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