Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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