Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
