There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize