Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
