i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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