unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
