a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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