I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
