The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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