I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
