This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
