Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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