So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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