you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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