you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
