Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
