Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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