my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
