if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
