turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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