I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
