i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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