Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
