guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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