my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
